Friday, January 27, 2012

For godsake

Already?  I would have thought with Google being all smart and shit these days that they would know not to send me this stuff.  You know, to magically screen the mail from companies I have signed up for, for unpalatable content...

A signed copy of 'Love Poems'?  Really?! Yay!

Its a pathetic time of year - when all the coupled up people pretend to not like it but secretly, smugly love it and all the bitter single, lonely people loudly declare how shit of a celebration it is - materialistic and bollocks when really, deep inside - its jealousy.  I'll admit it - I'm not afraid of you (well, not right now...) I am a bitter,  haggard, cat-weilding, lonely old crone

Note the hair resemblance

And I hate Feb 14th.  I wish I didn't, some years I pretend, but really... Yep.  There it is.  You know, you feel me.  And the couples are blinkered for the day, oblivious to everyone else because society is forcing them to expect something special, some engineered romance from their partner on this particular day.

Again, note the hair resemblance

I think secretly, deep inside my cold, dead, black heart, protected by a crispy layer of frosted black-matter is living a wee, scared, hopeless romantic (HR).  Its not something you can be proud of these days - strong independent woman, intent on a glittering career in academia, secretly wanting nothing more than a partner to cook and clean for, to be all gross and cherishing with.

I fail you, and I am sorry 

Equal division of household labour, babies put in day care at 6 months, late evening paper-writing, equality and progress and feminism at its best, yet the sneaky HR is sitting on my hearts left shoulder asking if my hypothetical man has had enough to eat.

I get Homer's pain

Also, since it's obviously a ranting day - I've been rocking the 80's playlist lately, all the stuff I grew up on from the parents love of it.  It is disgusting how much of it is sappy love bollocks.  Seriously.  And yet you can't help singing along.  Godamn.

And just to belabour the point, when I do find someone capable of loving me, I'm going for the whole spontaneous romance thing - I promise I will never cross over to the other side (see how the nasty HR doesn't give up on finding said man), I will never blinker myself with expectations and will instead go for a fucking drink with my single bitches and celebrate our awesomeness in epic company.

Probably with pate.


Totes a roar, and not a yawn


  1. I know I'm one of those "coupled up" people, but my formerly-single-self shuddered when I got that email as well! I'm planning on sending the other half one of The Oatmeal's cards on V-day and otherwise ignoring the day completely. Yeah. Stupid commercial days. Let's see how this one goes....

  2. I love the Oatmeal's cards! Now that is a romance type that would get me to fall in love with a man :P